One day at a Time.

I've made a private post about our loss, but parts are a bit graphic so I'm not going to make it public. I don't want to scare anyone. :0(

Owen and I doing ok. Small things make me cry right now. Random photo on our gallery of me pg with Tash, cleaning out the Bugaboo transport bag today and finding the bunny I bought in France for new baby, sometimes Natasha, the thought of me not being pg anymore, the thought of so many other ppl I know that are pg right now, the thought of a crib bedding set on it's way to me that I bought before we went to France..the thought of how I'm going to feel come April 09, the knowledge that I may never know what exactly went wrong. That's the toughest right there. Not knowing the "why" and now that I've had a few days, not knowing if we had a little girl or a little boy.

We are both still happy with our decision not to see her. I don't think I would be sleeping well at night if I had. Some do want to see, but I just did not have the strength nor did Owen. He said he almost did, but in the end he turned away just as she went to lift him around to cover him.

Today surprisingly was a better day. Owen and I could actually talk seriously about things w/o joking. We both can actually see TTC again in our future. "Luckily" for me, it was not 'dramatic' as far as delivering her could have been.

I'm just going to leave this blog for a while. I could fill pages with my feelings, but I don't think right now that's going to help me feel better about the situation.