but if I have to see/hear/read about one more pg announcement I think I'm going to lose my mind. Add to it the pregnancy updates, the belly posts and then the end of pregnancy whines and I've just had enough. That said I'll be taking a little break from a certain message board. I can avoid reading the posts but even seeing the thread title is just too hard for me right now. It's hard to think that this past Friday was my 20w u/s where we would have learned the gender of our baby. I did not think it would bother me so much that at 16w2d gestation it was too early to tell the gender of my baby, but it is. I think I could identify so much easier if I knew for sure the gender. I can say He or She instead of "it" or "Baby" but in my head I'm still asking myself "well which was it?"
It's even harder to be so freak'n scared to be pregnant again, yet want to be so badly.
I can totally identify with this. Even at 20+ wks, I still secretly worry that I'm going to miscarry because we didn't wait for a full "healthy" cycle before we got pg. The engineer in me understands that logically (as well as medically) the fact that I was able to get pg at all, meant that the egg was "fine". Worse than worrying about the miscarriage, is worried that now my baby has a defect.
ReplyDeleteOur really good friends down the street had 4 miscarriages in a row. The 3rd one happened at 22 weeks, we felt awful for them. When they got pregnant the 5th time, they decided to go ahead and tell people anyway because they just figured they turned into that couple that has all the miscarriages. Even after she got to 32 weeks - she still woke up with worry that something was going to go wrong.
We both laugh about it now, now that her daughter is almost 2 years old. But back then, she was freaked out. And then she was freaked out about being freaked out (stress and worry hurting the baby, possibly?)
So when I told her we got pg after our miscarriage, she gave me this advice - try not to worry about it too much, because it'll happen when it's right. And it WILL happen. You're both healthy and are able to conceive.
I don't ever have a moment of complete freedom from worry (then again, I think this is a preview of parenthood anyway). But I do tell myself that I can't overworry (bc then I start feeling that feeling you're describing in your last entry - where you're even sick of hearing yourself.)
Instead of going to message boards where all you hear about the pg updates and announcements, I would look up m/c's instead. If anything, it will show you how common it is - and that you're totally not alone.