/sigh Last night I was having a rough go of it, so I decided to take a hot bath. I knew that was going to be close to impossible as we have a small water tank so I'd not get as much of a "hot" bath as I wanted.
I'm just climbing into the bath when he comes in with natasha and announces "So I called Geoff and Trina, they've invited us over on Saturday at 4pm. Oh and I told them you mis-carried". This is where he's an idiot. This is where I lost it. We had not even told them I was pregnant. The last time we saw them was back in August when we all went camping. I was super early and we had not told anyone yet so chose not to share with them as well as a few other couples that were there.
I was upset because I'm sure he probably schocked Geoff by just blurting out "Hey Shelley Mis-carried" and secondly, after he tells Trina, they are then going to go "Hmm we did not even know they were pg" and I feel bad now that we did not tell them. I'm also upset because they were at least ONE couple/set of friends that did NOT know so I could have actually went there on Saturday and relaxed, not worried about them being nervous or wondering what to say.
After I cried for a good 15 mins I apologized, he apologized and we were ok I guess. I can't really blame him, he has no clue who knows and who didn't know I was pregnant. I explained to him that the calgary girls only knew bc I could not hide it and I told my mom, bc well it's my mom! Once he thought about it, he realized that "yeah we have not seen them in a long time have we?".
sigh. It's got to get easier.
I just got back from traveling, so I completely missed out on your news. I'm really sorry to hear this. As you know we miscarried with our first attempt and it basically cast a shadow of doubt over this current pregnancy. It sucks because you can't be as "excited" anymore.
ReplyDeleteFrom my limited experience, most people do not know how to handle news about miscarriage. Husbands (and wives) included. I am sure that Owen was trying to act in what he thought was the best interest by "preparing" your friends. It has been my experience though, that sharing my story of loss is helpful. Also it's amazing how many people out there have also been through it.
And please, try to stop blaming yourself for the miscarriage. As awful as it sounds, sometimes it does "just" happen. And like you said knowing what to do next time you possibly are diagnosed with an incompetent cervix, helps a little with closure.
I worried that the reason we lost our first baby was because I didn't want it enough (we were fighting and I started having doubts about our ability as parents.) I worried it was because I sprained my ankle, all sorts of things. It was either a blighted ovum or something else unexplained, but I was annoyed because there was no real explanation.
But since being pregnant with this one, I have been on travel (for work) several times over planes. Walked miles and miles (against my will) in high heels (in search of a cab, train, or a ride :)... I've had major crying episodes during work, fighting in my marriage - and yet the baby is still here. (Even though I worry every single day I'm going to lose the baby.)
You have a wonderful daughter and husband to be thankful for. I know you will be able to conceive again soon. Don't lose faith. Honestly, I am a little jealous you already have a child to show for :) But like you said, you're not angry with other pregnant people. I'm not upset, as I've come to understand that sometimes when it's right, it's right - and sometimes when it doesn't happen it doesn't.