Why am I so nervous?

I finally called today and registered for an information session at BPM for May 14th. I've been so nervous about calling and booking the appointment. The biggest thing being, I'm scared that when we do get pregnant there won't be a spot for me. You can't put down a deposit until you are pregnant, but you can go for pre-conceptual counseling before then. I was told they'd give more information at the session but I'm guessing this makes you one of their 'patients' so gives you a bit of priority over someone that has not seen them before? I don't know. I need to stop stressing over it.

I had an excellent delivery and labour with Natasha (although I credit Bobbie a midwife that works at Foothills hospital to that), it was just my care during and my care afterwards that I was dis-satisfied with. It's not the end of the world if I have to go to a clinic again.

When my friend went to the info session she said they were able to take on everyone that was there except one couple and they were 2-3m along. For some reason I seem to think there are going to be like 30 ppl show up, and I don't think that will be the case. At gymboree on Monday, she said they told her they said their busy times were October, because everyone in the new year decides to have a baby and April, as a lot of ppl apparently get pregnant during stampede.

Owen and I talked again last night. I asked him if he was willing to use a Midwife because he realized my mind was so set on one and he knew I was not going to change it, or because he understood my feelings and needs for this future pregnancy that were not fulfilled for the previous. He told me it was a bit of both.

If all else fails, and I can't get a midwife, I can always hire a doula and get a post partum doula as well. I'd just like the level of care provided by a midwife over someone I'm going to see once or twice before I go into labour.

We had decided last year around November that a baby born between March and July would be nice. (This is making me nervous as well, for some reason I feel really old and that it will effect my fertility, even though I know this is silly!) I think it would be nice to have a "spring" baby. We'd have a birthday at the start of the year and one at the end, so plenty of spacing/a break between.

Calling and registering for the session has really hit me in the face so to speak. At this time next month, we'll be once again trying to have another baby.