This time, we plan to do things a bit differently. Instead of seeing one of the doctors at Grace Maternity Care Clinic, we plan to have a midwife. I'd also really like a home birth (I hate hate hate hospitals! They just really freak me out to be in one, even if I'm visiting someone). Owen is not 100% on board with delivering at home, even though my labour was "textbook" and without any problems with N (it was the recovery that was the problem), so that is still to be decided, but I'm hoping after we meet the midwives and during the course of my [future] pregnancy, his fears will be laid to rest when I go into labour.
The first step right now is to register for an info session with Birthing Partnership next week. I'm 100% sure I want a midwife and I've talked to friends who have had a midwife and researched it to death, but Owen has not. I'd like him to be informed as well. As much as I want a midwife this time around, I don't want to have a midwife if it makes him uncomfortable. I'm almost more anxious that we won't get one (they book up fast!) then I am about getting pregnant. Sort of.
We were blessed with conceiving N the first cycle, but I'm scared that bc I'm older [34 this year], my body might not remember how to get pregnant. I know, pure silliness. Everyone seems to say you get pregnant faster/easier then the first time because your body knows how to because of the first. Add that to the list of things that bug me that ppl say.
A couple of ppl have suggested the cheaper option of a doula, but it's just not the level of care I want. When I explain the care I want during and after my pregnancy I then get told "Well you can hire a post partum doula!" People do not seem to understand that it's not about that, it's about seeing the same person every appointment, that person knowing my name, that same person being there when I go into labour and feeling that re-assurance that the person I've gotten to know over 10m is the one that is going to be there with me when the baby is born.
I was very lucky that when I arrived at the hospital, a retired midwife was on duty. I can't even begin to express how awesome she was. She planted the first seed in my mind of even considering a midwife for my second pregnancy.
I'm still not 100% sure I'm ready for a 2nd child, but the thing is, I don't think I ever will be. The thought of 2 kids scares me. The thought of the unpredictability of a new babe freaks me out. N is so predictable now from sleeping to feeding that the thought of starting all over again is a bit scary. And the days when she's having tantrums every 5 minutes? That is definitely not helping me want a 2nd.
Owen's hoping for a boy this time (we will be finding out, we did not with N), but I'm still cheering for Team Pink. We were laying in bed tonight and he was telling me the chances to have a girl are actually greater then to have a boy. Something like 50.1% for a girl and 49.9% for a boy. I think my husband is full of it. :p
So here I am, paying closer attention to my charting again [TCOYF - everything seems to finally be back to what it was pre-pregnancy, 33CDs, O'n on CD20] and ready to start that journey. I'm wondering if the BFP when it happens will be as exciting as it was the first time? Will I still smile at baby kicks? Still be anxious to meet the future baby?
No comments:
Post a Comment