Her latest "Masterpiece"

I guess she did not like the quality of paper she was using and felt the wall would make a better 'canvas'. Or perhaps she felt the urge to do a mural. Who knows but she got a good section of the wall covered in pencil before my brain clicked and I thought "That sounds like she's drawing on the wall".

I had a very unhappy child when I took her pencils away (yeah she had two, one in each hand).

It came out easy enough with a bit of method cleaning product and a sponge.

Is there..

anyone out there who is not pregnant?!?

My child is truly gifted.

First, the non- gifted part. Today she said "read" and "yes". I wish I could have recorded her saying yes, bc I'm sure it's a word that will soon be replaced with a lot of "no no no no's".

M was watching her for us last night (I had a meeting, O had to work) and she said she said what sounded like "duck". Now if we could just get her to say things more then once. Just last week N was making wonderful 'scribblings' like this:


I leave her in M's care for a couple of hours and suddenly she turns into a real artist.



You can see in the second picture her 'signature' scribbles, so I definitely know she did these all by herself. Honest, I'm sure M did not help at all. :p

The decision has been made.

After having many many conversations on this topic, Owen and I have decided not to go with a midwife. Owen is not comfortable with the idea. This basically translates to him not being comfortable with the cost. We have the savings and even if we did not, we could afford the payments, but he does not feel comfortable with putting out that much money for a service he feels I should just get for "free" through the Maternity Care Clinic.

To say I am disappointed would be an understatement. At the same time though, I have to respect Owen's feelings as well. If he wanted to spend $3,500 on something I was not comfortable with, I fell he would respect my choice on the matter as well and not spend the money on whatever it was he wanted.

We reached a compromise that we'd get a doula when the time comes. And since the post partum part (retained placenta, breastfeeding, mine and baby's care) is the biggest part I'm most concerned with, he agreed we could also use a Post Partum Doula. I have no idea on the cost of a PP Doula, but for some reason I feel that hiring a Doula ($800 approx.) and then having a Post Partum Doula is going to be expensive as well. But Owen has it in his mind that it will be half the cost when he's not even researched the costs of the service.

We still have 1.5 more months before we start seriously TTC, so lots of time, but I know Owen won't change his mind on a midwife, I can tell when he's going to cave, and in this case he's not going to.

The Grimace Room..

For quite some time I've had 4 big square paint swatches on the playroom wall. Two were bright neon like greens and the other 2 were dark/bright pinks. I really wanted to put chair rail in the room and do the top half one colour and the bottom half another co-ordinating colour, but after what we went through with the chair rail for her bedroom, Owen put his foot down and said "No more chair rail!". Plus the more I looked at those 4 colours, the more I decided I really really did not like them. Owen was totally opposed to pink in case our next child is a boy and I was not too keen on the greens or even the pinks for that matter.

The marvelous Ms. M came over this past weekend and saw my swatches on the wall, laughed at me, but then gave me colour suggestions because she's cool like that. Since I've painted just about every room in the house since we moved in last April, I just happened to have the BM paint chips so she helped me pick from them.

I decided on (Violet Stone). For some reason in O's eyes, purple for a playroom for a possible little boy does not bug him, where as pink was a definite no. :p Trust me, the colour looks a lot better then this paint chip sample. Just think of Grimace from Ronald MacDonald and you'll get the idea. hehe

Her other suggestion (because she is so smart!) was to then decorate/accessorize with the primary colours - blues, reds, greens and yellows. The colours from N's stacking bugs are a good example.

It could be just because the room previously was this hideous powder blue colour, but it looks fabulous! For the floor I want to eventually tear up the yucky carpet (it's stained beyond repair) and do a checker board pattern (of red/blue/green/yellow not black and white) with carpet tiles, but for now, I've improvised and am using the foam blocks/squares that are blue/red/yellow/green.

Next I'm going to buy a storage thingy (I have it picked out at IKEA I just need to buy it) and I want to get some chalkboard decals. M says I can buy it in sheets now instead of having to paint it on the wall. I've also ordered this chair from PBKs (it was on sale, my friend in GA picked it up for me and is sending it to me) which is red gingham and will match the room perfectly. I was looking at it and I think I can even make a 2nd one for N's room. It's just 6 pcs of foam. Once I get the chair I can take a look and hopefully duplicate it. I chose the Red Gingham cover too before I even knew I was painting the room purple.

And because M is so awesome, she even said when I was ready to add accessories she'd go shopping with me and help me pick stuff out. I'm pretty excited. Sure the rest of the basement is not completely done, but just a fresh coat of paint on the playroom already makes it look fun and so much better! I love how I just have to smile when I walk into the room. And best of all? All of N's toys are contained in one spot, well sort of. They make their way out into the main part of the basement but at least they are all down there and not on the upper levels of the house.

All Better

At around Thursday Natasha started to be her usual self. Well almost! I'm super happy she's feeling better and hopefully won't get sick like that again for a long time.

She said another word this morning. Owen was down in the kitchen, I was still lazing about in bed and heard him say "Do you want a banana?" and Tash goes "YES!!!". It was kind of funny how she belted it out so loudly.

I've doomed this beautiful long weekend. I dug out her kiddie pool and filled it with water when I got home from work. I've probably cursed it to snow tomorrow now.

*ahem*

Like B, I'm not implying anything, I just found this blog template this morning and really liked it. When I use to have a wordpress blog it was soo easy to find nice templates, blogger seems to be seriously lacking for some reason. I'd visited the site suckmylolly.com before but she only had classic ones. She now has the "newer" blogger version ones which I prefer bc you can still add widgets and such unlike classic.

Nothing new, we are decided to officially start TTC until July. So almost 2 more months. No particular reason other then I want to make it through stampede and I'd like to have a later spring baby if possible.

Still Sick.

Doodlebug is still sick. Her fever has finally broke and she has not thrown up in 2 days (well she did a little this morning) so I think she's on the road to mending. As much as I love all the cuddles she wants to do, I'll be able to see her running around acting silly again.

Cancelled Midwife Info Session.

I called this afternoon and cancelled our registration for the info session. Natasha is still sick (no more throwing up, and the fever has went down) so I did not want to leave her with anyone, or take her and have her infect someone that could be pregnant. I'll call back later on in the week and re-register again for the week after next (we can't make next weeks).

I'm a bit disappointed, but I think we are going to wait until July before we start TTC again (I know I keep changing my mind) so we still have time to go to the session.

New words and being sick.

Yesterday we went to one of N's little friend's birthday party. She had been fine all week and was fine at the party up until around 1.30 when she walked into their kitchen and threw up strawberries, water and milk all over their (thankfully) ceramic tile floor. We thought at first she had just ate something bad as she did not have a fever so decided to wait until cake (to see M blow out the candles) before going home.

Owen left for about 20 minutes (he was buying golf club from someone in the Tuscany area) and about 5 minutes before he came back, she threw up on my arm and down my back. We decided at that point that it was time to head home. We did not make it to the truck though before she threw up 4 more times - once on S's door mat, on her porch, on her step and then on her paver walkway. I am sooo happy there was still some snow on the ground to toss on it to 'clean' it up so no one else would step in it or slip on their way out.

I shouldn't but I feel a bit bad that I went to the party and N turned out to be so sick. S was really nice and said "It happen's" and not to worry but I still feel bad. Thankfully Owen cleaned up her major throw up (it was actually projectile =\) bc I have the worse gag reflex of anyone I know. I can't be near throw up. The smell, the feel of it through the paper towel or rag just has me almost running to the bathroom myself. Give me poopy dipes and snotty noses any day.

On top of all that, the items I ordered to make M's gift did not arrive and I forgot her card. So my child throws up on her floor and outside her home and I forget her card and do not bring a gift for her child's 2nd birthday.

She threw up again around 11pm last night, we were just coming to bed and heard her gag, ran to her room, I grabbed her and took her to the tub where she threw up. Owen woke up this morning when he heard her belch/gag but did not make it in time, and she threw up water all over her crib.

Today she is super clingy, owen and I are taking turns holding her. She has a high fever and only wants to lay on either of us. So we have been sitting in the living room on the sofa reading my Parent magazines (my sister gave me a sub to them but I never seem to read them :p) and each time she wakes up from a catnap on our chest we switch her over to the other person so one of us can get up and stretch, pee, eat etc. Poor thing is so sad looking and moaning.

In much happier news, her vocabulary is increasing. Today while I was at work she pointed at her sippy cup and said "Milk!" to O. The only thing is, she does not seem to repeat any of these words she says, so I'm wondering if it's just a "fluke"? Owen said to her after she said it, "Do you want your Milk? and she just started at him and pointed to her sippy again.

So far she has clearly said;

• Dog (she was flipping pages in Go Dog Go and each page she'd say "Dog")
• Book (she picked up on and handed it to O to read and said Book!)
• Milk (pointed to her sippy of milk)
• "nana" aka Banana (I was at the grocery store and held a bunch up and she goes Nana!!)
• Mum (she tends to say this only when she's upset though it's in a chain Mum..Mum, Mum and the more upset she gets the longer the Mum is sounded out)

That's all I can remember that she says so far. I can't get her to repeat any of them back to me though. She tends to say them only when she feels like it. heh

My chart...

is officially on crack this month. I removed a couple of temps that I know for sure were buggered, but it does not have my Ovulating until Tuesday. I know for a fact I ovulated on Thursday. Not that we are TTC this month, but it's a good thing I know, since we have been using TCOYF as FAM.

I'm starting to have 2nd thoughts about trying in June. I'm thinking maybe of putting it off until July. Silly really, I can't really play 'god' with my due dates, but if we got pregnant right away next month it would be March 5th. Is it bad I'd rather have an April on baby instead of an end of Feb./early March babe? I mean we could have problems this time, what if we do and I keep thinking "We should not have skipped June!"

I'm still worried about a mid-wife as well. April apparently is a busy month. I need to stop stressing about it but I think I will until I get a BFP and call and am told, yes we have room in April still. I'm also thinking about Paris and how far along I'd be. Just under 3m would probably be better....

I called my mom last night to wish her Happy Mother's Day and the topic of a Midwife came up (she was asking about paris and if we were going to wait until we came back to TTC) and she's not comfortable with the idea at all. She spent 10 minutes telling me she did not understand why I wanted to go the Midwife Route and how much "cheaper" and "safer" it would be to just see a doctor and deliver at the hospital. Telling her we would probably still deliver at the hospital bc Owen was not comfortable doing it at home did not win any points for my decision to have a midwife.

Win a Free Ergo Carrier!

I was visiting one of my chat boards today and a post popped up and linked to a chance to win and Ergo! One can never have too many babywearing products right?

Win a Free Ergo Baby Carrier from Along for the Ride

Why am I so nervous?

I finally called today and registered for an information session at BPM for May 14th. I've been so nervous about calling and booking the appointment. The biggest thing being, I'm scared that when we do get pregnant there won't be a spot for me. You can't put down a deposit until you are pregnant, but you can go for pre-conceptual counseling before then. I was told they'd give more information at the session but I'm guessing this makes you one of their 'patients' so gives you a bit of priority over someone that has not seen them before? I don't know. I need to stop stressing over it.

I had an excellent delivery and labour with Natasha (although I credit Bobbie a midwife that works at Foothills hospital to that), it was just my care during and my care afterwards that I was dis-satisfied with. It's not the end of the world if I have to go to a clinic again.

When my friend went to the info session she said they were able to take on everyone that was there except one couple and they were 2-3m along. For some reason I seem to think there are going to be like 30 ppl show up, and I don't think that will be the case. At gymboree on Monday, she said they told her they said their busy times were October, because everyone in the new year decides to have a baby and April, as a lot of ppl apparently get pregnant during stampede.

Owen and I talked again last night. I asked him if he was willing to use a Midwife because he realized my mind was so set on one and he knew I was not going to change it, or because he understood my feelings and needs for this future pregnancy that were not fulfilled for the previous. He told me it was a bit of both.

If all else fails, and I can't get a midwife, I can always hire a doula and get a post partum doula as well. I'd just like the level of care provided by a midwife over someone I'm going to see once or twice before I go into labour.

We had decided last year around November that a baby born between March and July would be nice. (This is making me nervous as well, for some reason I feel really old and that it will effect my fertility, even though I know this is silly!) I think it would be nice to have a "spring" baby. We'd have a birthday at the start of the year and one at the end, so plenty of spacing/a break between.

Calling and registering for the session has really hit me in the face so to speak. At this time next month, we'll be once again trying to have another baby.

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

One of my worse fears came true Morning morning. It was the end of Gymboree class and I was standing there with a couple of friends chatting and holding N. She, for some reason had been particularly clingy all morning. Very unusual for her to be so, but I just went with the flow and when she did not wanted held I held her.

Anyway, I'm chatting with my friends and N starts to open her mouth and put it on my shoulder. She's done this before, usually she will just suck my shoulder/arm and then stop. Monday though, as I was chatting, without warning, she bit me! I scolded her and said "N we do not bite!" and gave her a really dirty look and instead of giving me that "look" she has when she knows she's done something wrong, she gave me the saddest puppy eyes, turned her head and nuzzled into my shoulder.

I'm really not sure if it's related to her eye teeth coming in (top ones are very visible, the bottom ones are just white slivers) or what. I'm thinking she just did it without really realizing the effect. She's not done it since and I really hope she does not do it again. One thing I really do not want to have to deal with is a child that bites. I read stories of other mom's on my parenting board who have kids that bite and it seems so frustrating to try and get your child not to bite you or other kids.

Almost time again...

Back in January, it seemed like June was years away when Owen asked me again when we were going to start trying for a 2nd child. He's been anxious to have a 2nd for a while now and was just waiting on me to be ready, so when I tossed out June as a month to start, I never expected it to creep up on me so quickly.

This time, we plan to do things a bit differently. Instead of seeing one of the doctors at Grace Maternity Care Clinic, we plan to have a midwife. I'd also really like a home birth (I hate hate hate hospitals! They just really freak me out to be in one, even if I'm visiting someone). Owen is not 100% on board with delivering at home, even though my labour was "textbook" and without any problems with N (it was the recovery that was the problem), so that is still to be decided, but I'm hoping after we meet the midwives and during the course of my [future] pregnancy, his fears will be laid to rest when I go into labour.

The first step right now is to register for an info session with Birthing Partnership next week. I'm 100% sure I want a midwife and I've talked to friends who have had a midwife and researched it to death, but Owen has not. I'd like him to be informed as well. As much as I want a midwife this time around, I don't want to have a midwife if it makes him uncomfortable. I'm almost more anxious that we won't get one (they book up fast!) then I am about getting pregnant. Sort of.

We were blessed with conceiving N the first cycle, but I'm scared that bc I'm older [34 this year], my body might not remember how to get pregnant. I know, pure silliness. Everyone seems to say you get pregnant faster/easier then the first time because your body knows how to because of the first. Add that to the list of things that bug me that ppl say.

A couple of ppl have suggested the cheaper option of a doula, but it's just not the level of care I want. When I explain the care I want during and after my pregnancy I then get told "Well you can hire a post partum doula!" People do not seem to understand that it's not about that, it's about seeing the same person every appointment, that person knowing my name, that same person being there when I go into labour and feeling that re-assurance that the person I've gotten to know over 10m is the one that is going to be there with me when the baby is born.

I was very lucky that when I arrived at the hospital, a retired midwife was on duty. I can't even begin to express how awesome she was. She planted the first seed in my mind of even considering a midwife for my second pregnancy.

I'm still not 100% sure I'm ready for a 2nd child, but the thing is, I don't think I ever will be. The thought of 2 kids scares me. The thought of the unpredictability of a new babe freaks me out. N is so predictable now from sleeping to feeding that the thought of starting all over again is a bit scary. And the days when she's having tantrums every 5 minutes? That is definitely not helping me want a 2nd.

Owen's hoping for a boy this time (we will be finding out, we did not with N), but I'm still cheering for Team Pink. We were laying in bed tonight and he was telling me the chances to have a girl are actually greater then to have a boy. Something like 50.1% for a girl and 49.9% for a boy. I think my husband is full of it. :p

So here I am, paying closer attention to my charting again [TCOYF - everything seems to finally be back to what it was pre-pregnancy, 33CDs, O'n on CD20] and ready to start that journey. I'm wondering if the BFP when it happens will be as exciting as it was the first time? Will I still smile at baby kicks? Still be anxious to meet the future baby?

More Pigtails.

I only wish Tash loved her pigtails as much as I love them! She is ok once I get them in, but the process of doing so is not the most fun thing to do. I know I'm not pulling her hair, but she hates me holding it all the same to get the elastic in.




She's growing up so fast! On another note, so happy it's warmer out! We've been playing in the backyard a ton over the past couple of weeks. It really plays her out for her naps.