Eight Weeks!

I'm half way to 16w. Half way to driving myself insane. I was thinking yesterday how calm I seem to be. I mean I still check for blood every time I wipe, but generally I'm ok. Then I started thinking "How far am I going to get this time?" What happens when I approach 15w? Will I start spotting again?

The 'game' plan with Dr. E. is that we are going to take things slowly and I'm going to take things easy. If I see ANY spotting I'm to head to the ER and get my cervix checked, she will also be checking it every few visits. But I can't help but to hold my breath and wonder, when? Was I crazy to even consider getting pregnant again? Am I crazy not to just have my cervix stitched now even though there is no scientific proof that those that did vs those that did not were able to stay pregnant longer??

I guess these things were easier to ignore, but now I'm feeling what feels like movements (yes super early but once a week I feel flutters that I don't credit to gas :P) and my belly is getting firmer and rounder, it's starting to get more real. At my next appointment Dr. E should be able to get the heartbeat on the doppler. And while that is great news, and should make me feel more secure, it does not. I heard my baby's heartbeat at 7pm that night and by 10pm my waters broke and by 11.30pm s/he was gone. :0(

I keep saying to Owen "If we can just make it to 30w+. We both know of the lower survival rates and complications that can happen with babies born between 22-30w and while we would fight for our baby's survival, the emotional toll and possible complications of baby I think would be so hard on all of us. We'd all get through it, but I'd much prefer baby to stay put and have a much higher chance then to come too early. Something tells me stricter bed rest is in my future.

So with that, we are not thinking about my due date, we are simply thinking week to week, and happy when we get another week of baby being save inside my womb.

Owen has been awesome, he gives me tons of belly rubs, talks to the baby and even kisses my tummy. :0) N is still not sure what is happening, but I think this time bc she's older, once my belly gets bigger she is going to ask more questions and realize she is getting a sibling, so if something happens this time, it's going to be hard to explain to her.