is tomorrow and I'm pretty freaked. I'm half way between excited and scared. If we are able to find out the gender it's going to make everything so much more real for me. =\ It's real now, but knowing the gender is going to make things so much harder if I go into pre-term labour this time as well. I should not think pessimistically, but I can't really help it. It's there in the back of my mind all the time.
I've purposefully not asked to review my pathology, while a tiny part of me wants to know the gender, the rest of me does not want to become any closer to our baby that was born still. It's hard to think about it, and having the gender I think would put more of a face for the baby. Sounds mean, but I don't think I can handle anymore pain.
So while tomorrow is exciting, I'm scared at the same time. If I told Owen how I felt, I'm sure he'd tell me not to find out. sigh.
I need to take a deep breath.
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