A Good Reminder.

First the good news, I did not miss my doctor's appointment today. My next one is August 11th at 9.30am on a Tuesday. I tried for a Wednesday since it seems to be my favourite day of the week, but Dr. E is in the office Monday and Tuesday of that week.

The appointment was pretty uneventful. Well minus for N pee'n on the floor of the exam room. I blame it on a)it was 1.15pm by that point and she was tired and b) Dr. E and I were having a conversation about my ultrasound results and I was not really paying attention to her. Then after we left the office and she was racing down the sidewalk, she took a header on the sidewalk. She busted up her lip, scrapped her nose and bit her tongue. So all I could do but race her off to the truck (which was 3 blocks away) to get kleenex to get the blood out of her mouth, put a bit of pressure on her lip, and get her out of her wet panties/leggings. Oiy.

The reminder hit when Dr. E walked into the exam room and was followed by a medical student. When I was in labour with N, the Nurse asked me if I minded a resident "observing" and I was like Sure! I learned as I progressed that whatever the nurse did, the resident did. Not exactly that comfortable. I also ended up with a Resident Doctor observing when Dr. S caught N and then she stitched me.

Too many cooks in the kitchen I think. I'm kind of thinking lately that perhaps due to there being a Doctor/resident, a nurse/resident and 1 retired Mid-Wife/Nurse that they all though the other one had examined the placenta, when in fact no one did IMO.

So this time around, no residents observing. I know everyone has to learn, but this time I just prefer that learning not happen on/with me. I also plan to look/check over my placenta. Funny how I never really thought I'd use a birth plan because my husband is my voice, but due to events that happened with N, I've started to thing of one, just in my head for now, not on paper. It's not long, there are only a few things, but they are things important to me this time.

Baby's heartbeat is 144 and I missed my weight. I thought I heard her say 66kg, but that can't be right, I can't imagine I gained 10kg in 3w. lol I've had a lot of mars bars, but not that many. Oh and other exciting things? I FINALLY got to tell Jessica (NP) when she asked if I could feel baby that yes I could! I've been waiting weeks to tell her that. hah. She's asked every visit since 10w.

Those Pesky Doctor Appointments

First of all, I'm starting to feel like a real tool. For the 2nd doctor's appointment in a row, I've thought it was on a different day and have missed it. The first time, I was at home and she called me an hour after I was suppose to be there and they still squeezed me in that morning. The next time was yesterday. I was out that morning so I'm not sure if they called earlier again to check on me, but they called at 4.30pm to let me know I missed it. sigh I re-scheduled it for next week on TUESDAY. I have no clue why I keep thinking my appointments are on Wednesdays, when really they are Tuesdays, but I always have the time right. sigh. I'm going to be so embarrassed when I see Dr. E on Tuesday next week. I'm also wondering if they are going to charge me the $50 fee. It's if you do not cancel 48hrs in advance, but I wonder if it applies to forgetting your appointment as well?

My u/s on the 17th went well. In the end, we decided that Owen would stay home. It was at 7.45am, which is not too early, is a bit too early for Natasha. She is super crabby when you wake her up in the mornings. So waking her up, getting her fed, dressed and out the door on time would have been a circus. Instead he stayed home, they both slept in and I got up at 6am to drink my water and get there on time.

I had a nice tech (sometimes it's hit or miss) and she did not ask (the first one in the 5 u/s's I've had) how many kids I had and what pregnancy this was. I hate hate that question. It took her about an hour to get all the images and measurements. Then I had to empty my bladder in an attempt to get baby to move, so she could get the final one. Jellybean was cooperative and rolled over for her.

Just when I thought I was done, she left, then came back told me (even though the regular u/s showed it fine)the doctor wanted a trans-vaginal. Then proceeds to scare me when she comes back and says "oh you can't leave, the doctor wants to talk to you." AFTER she told me everything was fine.

So I wait in this separate room for the doctor, who thankfully did not make me wait. She then told me the same thing, that my cervix looked fine and proceeded to tell me she did not think I have any issues with it and that my 'loss' last fall was probably a 'fluke'. However, we'd check it out again at 21w with another u/s.

Now, while I should be happy she is telling me my cervix is fine, this does not ease my mind at all and really upsets me that she is now disproving 2 doctors (who actually examined me and were in the hospital at the time)opinions. I get that she can give an opinion, but the way she told me, with such finality, like I was over-reacting. I'm probably not explaining it right, but the combination of the look she gave me and how she worded things...If I can remember my doctor appointment next week I'll talk to Dr. E about it.

The other nagging thing is, IF my cervix is fine, then what can I possibly grasp onto for why I went into pre-term labour last yr at 16w2d? I mentioned the 2-3 key things that happened to the doctor and she told me it could be explained in any number of ways, infection was one of them. sigh.

I also think I'm ready for the pathology report. If it was not a weakened cervix, maybe there was something wrong with the baby? But if that was the case, I'm sure Dr. E has looked at it right? And then if it says baby was fine, I'm back to square one, not having the answers.

Glenmore Splash Pad

Last week we had a playdate at Glenmore Park and N had such a fun time, that I decided we should visit again today for our family outing. :0) The weather was perfect. It was suppose to reach a high of 31, so we got there early (9.30am bc I hate the extreme heat) and planned to leave before it got crazy busy and too hot. Well the sun stayed hiding between the clouds. Even over-cast it was still nice out and perfect for taking photos! I took a lot more, but these were 2 of my favourites. :0)

I love family days.

The Big day..

is tomorrow and I'm pretty freaked. I'm half way between excited and scared. If we are able to find out the gender it's going to make everything so much more real for me. =\ It's real now, but knowing the gender is going to make things so much harder if I go into pre-term labour this time as well. I should not think pessimistically, but I can't really help it. It's there in the back of my mind all the time.

I've purposefully not asked to review my pathology, while a tiny part of me wants to know the gender, the rest of me does not want to become any closer to our baby that was born still. It's hard to think about it, and having the gender I think would put more of a face for the baby. Sounds mean, but I don't think I can handle anymore pain.

So while tomorrow is exciting, I'm scared at the same time. If I told Owen how I felt, I'm sure he'd tell me not to find out. sigh.

I need to take a deep breath.

{18w}

One more day! eek! haha Yes, I know I'm stupidly ridiculously excited to find out the gender of the baby. Friday can not come soon enough. hah. The little guy better show the goods or s/he grounded once s/he is born. :p

Things are going well so far. I've been peeing a ton more, not sure if it's the weight of the baby (already?) or what. I've not really increased my fluid in-take that much more so I'm not quite sure. For a few days it had my worried that I might be leaking fluid, but I think if that was the case, it would be a lot more frequent trips to the bathroom and 'dribbles'.

Owen is being super sweet these days. Whenever he's near me he pats or rubs my belly and smiles. If we are on the sofa watching TV he will rest his hand there. I know he did that a bit when I was pregnant with Tash, but I don't think so much? I do it a lot because I some times think if I hold my belly it's like holding the baby. So in my mind, it's putting less pressure on my cervix to hold my baby up. :0) Yes I told you it was silly.

T-4 Days

That is all. :D

More Kicking

O and I were snuggling on the sofa this afternoon watching "Merlin" (it's actually not that bad, even though it totally deviates from the original mythology of the story) and he felt the baby kick. I felt it too, and it was lower, not high up, so I'm positive it was the baby and not gas. haha

I find it pretty amazing that he (and me for that matter) are feeling the baby kick so early this time around. With N it was not until 24 or so weeks and O could not feel anything until 28w if I remember. Love that we can both feel baby already. :0)

No more cramping today, although I felt what I thought was pressure on my cervix today. I've checked though and no unusual discharge either, so all must be ok.

I said to a friend today that part of me thinks I'm just being so hyper-vigilant about any possible symptoms that I'm turning into a hypochondriac about it. I would normally be scheduled for a doctor's appointment this week but we decided to wait until next week so we could discuss the ultra-sound. Now though, I'm debating calling on Monday to see if she can squeeze me in on Tuesday or Wednesday for a cervix check. It will be checked on Friday, so that will be re-assuring. Plus I have nothing scheduled for the week that can't be canceled, so I'll just take it easy and keep my feet up. :0)

bleh

I've not felt well all day. This morning I woke up to some cramping. I assumed that it was just my uterus stretching or such because last time I did not even feel my contractions, which from my researching, most do not feel them. I did notice last time that my uterus was hardening and softening because I was sitting on the sofa with my hands on my belly.

I spent today staying off my feet as much as possible and continually poking my belly. I also was a bit obsessive about checking each time I wiped for unusual discharge. So far, no hardening of my uterus, no unusual discharge. I also checked baby's heartbeat and it was 148-155bpm and s/he was on my right side. I find it a bit re-assuring, as last time when I went into pre-term labour I still was able to get a heartbeat at 7pm (155bpm), but baby was low and in the middle. By 11pm when I got into the ER and had an u/s done, baby was no longer moving.

Owen does not really trust the doppler bc of last time, so I re-assured him by saying that last time it was that heart rate but, I was also spotting/bleeding.

All I can do is rest, I think I'm just 0ver-reacting bc I'm so close to 18w, when things can start to go wrong.

{17w2d}

So I've been super slack about taking photos this time. oops? I think I did weekly with N, and this time I've just been meh about it. Mostly because I have a hard time doing a natural smile and hate every photo of me that is taken. Anywho, on a whim I had Owen take one tonight.

I love the colour of the top I'm wearing, however, Old Navy only had it in size small and I guess I really needed an XS. So I improvised today and put a ribbed grey tank top on under it.

and umm oops? One set will be returned next weekend. 3-6 in both, but the set being returned I'll exchange for 0-3. I always wished I'd known about these little outfits when N was born. They just look sooo cozy and comfy! They are also reversible. Owen says if baby spits up, we just wipe it off and turn it inside out. hah

oh Wow..

Pretty sure what I just felt was the baby kicking. I forgot how wonderful that felt!

New term for the day fFN Testing.

Horton Hears a Who

Last fall when I was pregnant, I started purchasing sale items at GAP as early as 12w! I figured whatever gender I did not have, I could give the stuff to my multiple friends who were all pregnant (Plus it was a 90 day return policy back then, not 30 days). This time, being more cautious, I've not indulged and bought any clothes. However, with my u/s within the 30 day return policy of the store, and feeling more optimistic...I've caved and bought something.

Many months ago, before I was even pg. Dooce posted in Daily photo the cutest ever Horton Hears a Who pink onsie. She said she got it at Costco, and I was not foolish enough to even attempt to check the 2 Costcos here. But I adored the onsie and did a few google searches for a boy and girl one of it, but never found it.

Today, while wandering through GAP, I saw this onsie. Not quite the same, but I love Horton Hears a Who (loved Jim Carrey's protrayal of Horton in the movie) and decided to buy it. Unfortunately it had hit the sale table, so I only got 10% off vs my regular 50%. boo. I walked to the boy side of the infant section but unfortunately they did not have anything close to the same.

So I've "cracked" the seal and bought my first pc of clothing for this baby. I tucked the receipt away, bc at 17w, I'm now more thinking I'll have to return it bc we are having a boy vs losing the baby.

I also took on the task of sorting through N's packed up clothes the other night. She has 3 huge bins, and I mean HUGE. I can't even lift them once they are full. Anyway, I decided to go through and see what I still liked and what I wanted to sell. I managed to get through 2 of the 3 bins and get it sorted (lesson learned, do not pack stuff up all willy nilly :P). The last bin is newborn stuff (when I was sound of mind and packed it by size, not just tossed it in), which I decided to wait until after the u/s to sort through. Most of it is all neutral colours as we did not know N's gender, so I'll probably keep quite a bit of it. If this little guy is a boy, I'll have a lot of photo taking and clothes to sell! I will definitely be keeping a few favourite items though as keepsakes.

In other exciting news, my poor little naval has stretched out already. It's not popped out, it is just stretching and flattening out like it did when I was pregnant with Tash. On the plus side, there is no room for lint or dirt to hide. :P

I'm still a bit nervous though. I'm now entering (soon) the 'danger zone' as I call it. It's typical between 18w - 21w for one's cervix to start to shorten OR start to funnel if you have IC/WC. So that has me a bit scared. I felt so happy when I hit 14w and no bleeding started and then 16w3d and my waters did not break. I'm scared now that a cerclage (which I'm trying so hard to avoid) will be in my future or full on bedrest. I'll definitely get a cerclage if my doctor recommends it, but I'd rather try bedrest first if that's possible. sigh.

Finally!

After putting N in bed tonight I went in our bedroom and tried to find the baby's heartbeat for the upteenth time with my doppler. I've been frustrated because I was able to find the heartbeat last fall when I was pregnant so easily yet this time I can't.

I took a deep breath and patiently searched and in a few minutes I found the baby's heartbeat. :D It was 138-141bpm. :) I could not get the silly grin off my face. I can't even describe it. Best.sound.in.the.world.

Lesson of the day

When I first found out I was pregnant again, I was scared. The fear of losing another baby out-weighed the excitement that after 5m of TTC my body had finally gotten back on track since the loss & D&C. As the weeks have passed though, that stress and fear has lessened. It was at 16w3d that I went into pre-term labour, it was around 14w that I started having brown mucus-y discharge that alerted me to the fact that something was wrong. So when 14w hit and no strange discharge happened, and now so close in my pregnancy to when I experienced our loss last fall, the tension has eased.

But then I did something stupid just a few minutes ago, I googled. According to Mr. Google, weakened cervix is mostly likely to happen/show signs of happening between 18w and 21w. I can only guess that my time in Paris last October aggravated things for it to occur earlier then that. Of course there is no deadline as to when it can happen or not happen, but 18-24w seems to be the general time frame for most. One thing that I did read (this info was from various posts on forums) that was re-assuring though was that most went for bi-weekly doctor visits (like I have been doing) and started the weekly u/s's at 21w. I did read though that everyone seemed to have transvaginal ones done. I had asked Dr. E about this and she said if my cervix was long and closed they could see it by just a regular u/s.

So, what I have done to myself is re-affirm my fear that this baby is not going to stay put until 40w, and that bedrest is probably in my future. =\

A bit of good news, even though I still can't find the heartbeat at home with my doppler, today for the first time I think I'm feeling movement. :0)

Avacado!

Ok, apparently I should look ahead bc at 37w they do compare baby to a watermelon. oops!

Things are still going well. I'm hating the progesterone, trust me, it's way worse then the regular 'saucy' pants one gets while pregnant. Probably what I hate the most is having to put two round tic tac like pills up my whoo-ha nightly. I really should not be so squeamish, I mean, studies are showing that progesterone is working much better for women with an incompetent cervix then bedrest or getting a cerclage. Of course everytime my Doctor tells me about one of these studies I want to ask her to give me a copy of the study or point me to where I read it. I trust her, I'd just like to see it for myself.

A Perfect Canada Day

We spent the morning at Riley Park today. It was the perfect weather for it. Sunny, but with a nice breeze to keep us cool enough that we were not roasting. We spent some time by the wading pool but N was not to enthused with dipping her toes in the chilly water, so we moved over to the playground where she played on the swing, slides and teeter totter. :0) After played Dad out, we all sat on our huge beach towel and enjoyed a little picnic of fruits and veggies. :0)

My favourite picture of the morning. I can't decide if I like it in colour or b&w. I think it works well in b&w, but hubs likes it better in colour. I'm hoping I can use it as my 'portrait' for my photog assignment. I sort of posed them. O was already laying there, but I did put N on his lap and then waited for her to lean down for a snuggle. :D Oh and I told O to look in the direction he did. hah


Most of the ones I took were over-exposed. I was having issues with the bright sunlight and doodlebug did not want to play in the shadows of trees. It would have been better if it was a slight over cast day, but I'm not about to complain about the sun.

Total shock that O let go of her and she hung there by herself for a minute!

Why slide down when I can throw rocks on it instead??

Another lesson in why I need to stop having my aperture so wide open for faster moving captures, I never get my focus point on the right spot no matter how hard I try! I still really like the photo though. :0)