Hate this. I hate the topsy turvey world of TTC. I hate that one minute I think taking a break this month is a good idea and then the next minute telling myself there is nothing wrong whatsoever if I were to get pg this cycle and went into labour on Christmas day. hah.
Owen said rather flippantly today "I doubt it's going to really hurt us to wait a month". And while I agree with him, that small little voice in my head keeps butting in and says "But what IF this is the month." And logically speaking, if this is the month my body goes back to normal, then it will still be normal next cycle too.
Have I mentioned lately how much I hate this? Because I really hate this. I hate it a lot. I hate the indecision, the flip flopping, the crying, the memory of the still baby on the u/s screen, the sound of the baby crying at night when I try to sleep, thankfully less frequently. sigh I'm tired of talking about it, thinking about it, remembering that night, having key moments hit me when I least expect it. I hate that I feel when I talk about it, I am doing it to get sympathy. I thought talking about it, it would get it out of my head, but no, it just keeps spinning around.
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