Imagination.

I stopped into Winners today hoping to find a M&D chopping food set (preferably sushi or fruit) but instead left with this block puzzle. Once home, I was excited to play with it with N, but instead she had other plans for it. I was quite surprised that she was able to stack them so high. Actually I'll say I'm surprised she was tall enough to reach the top. I put them on the floor for her, but she just climbed off the chair and put them back on the table.

There were a few tumbles until she final decided that instead of towers she would make a 'plank' for the Milkmaid to walk. It was super funny, Ms. Pirate would kiss the Milkmaid, say goodbye and then walk the Milkmaid off the end of the "plank".

My days of organizing LP to their proper sets have ended, N mixes and matches them to her liking and who am I to quash her imagination by re-organizing all of them? I'll give her this, she has one amazing imagination. Just over the past couple of weeks it's grown by leaps and bounds.

She has the cutest conversations between her Little People. It amazes me to see how involved she gets with them. Having them say "hi" to each other, walk together, kiss (I'm guessing this is from us kissing her so much!) boarding the ship and others rushing to the ship after she's put the ramp up - "No no!!"

When she bores of that she will then bring a one to us and have us play in her little make believe world. I have to say, among all the tantrums and terrible two stuff, little things like this make being a mom all worth it.

Ish Mama Ish!

N loves fish. While I oggle the giraffes and hippos at the zoo she's pulling me down to the big tank to look at the fish. Since O and I firmly told MIL no on buying her a fish, she bought fake fish. The bowl had a magnet at the bottom that moves around, hence moving the fish. N loves it.

In other news, she can now count 1-10 on her own. :0) I thought it was a fluke for a while, but now I catch her counting her toys, mostly little people..1...2...3..4.. Owen is proud papa and is now working on ABC's with her, I think that will take some time ;0)

Interesting...

The simple due date calendar says dec. 18th, but my chart says if I get pg this cycle, due date is dec. 23rd. Anytime after the 23rd would actually work out well, since Owen will be off work for a week during that time, he could take an additional 2w and get 3 total with 1 week paid. That would be nice. Maybe I could have a new yrs eve babe?

Special Christmas gift this year?

So after flip flopping about it for a few weeks, we decided to just go for it and TTC this month even though it may mean having a baby on Cmas Day. I'm to the point where a healthy, happy pg and a due date is better then no due date at all. So if everything is finally back to normal with my body, a month from now I could be happily pregnant. I'd have an EDD of Dec. 18th. I'm ok with that.

On friday I thought I saw some eggwhite stretchy CM, which got me excited. I had not really thought about it, but I've not really seen a lot of it since my D&C, so it has my hopeful. I really hope this is our month!

Silliness.

For the first time in 3w I had a shift at work. While doing the opening duties I saw this shirt, which is part of our product (RED). I do not normally buy RED product but when I saw this shirt, I had a very strong mental image of me with a pregnant belly** wearing this shirt and how cute it would look, so I bought it.

**No this is not a subtle way of saying I'm pg, I'm not.

To Break or Not Break

Hate this. I hate the topsy turvey world of TTC. I hate that one minute I think taking a break this month is a good idea and then the next minute telling myself there is nothing wrong whatsoever if I were to get pg this cycle and went into labour on Christmas day. hah.

Owen said rather flippantly today "I doubt it's going to really hurt us to wait a month". And while I agree with him, that small little voice in my head keeps butting in and says "But what IF this is the month." And logically speaking, if this is the month my body goes back to normal, then it will still be normal next cycle too.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate this? Because I really hate this. I hate it a lot. I hate the indecision, the flip flopping, the crying, the memory of the still baby on the u/s screen, the sound of the baby crying at night when I try to sleep, thankfully less frequently. sigh I'm tired of talking about it, thinking about it, remembering that night, having key moments hit me when I least expect it. I hate that I feel when I talk about it, I am doing it to get sympathy. I thought talking about it, it would get it out of my head, but no, it just keeps spinning around.

Bubbles Bubbles Bubbles!

Natasha's favourite past time, blow bubbles! It makes a nice sudsy mess on my floor, but then again they do not get scrubbed too often, so her bubble blowing might be a nice solution to keeping my floors clean until summer comes and we can blow bubbles outside.

A break

So it's time for a break. 1 month. Seems like an eternity right now. J had her babies last night. Everyone is super excited. I'm happy for her, but I'm sad. She got her BFP 5 days after I did last year. It's just hard to handle. I'm tired of thinking about it, talking about it..I need a break from the noise in my head.

Five Months

this month since I m/c'd. Sometimes it seems like yesterday, other days it feels like it happened to someone else completely. Tomorrow it will be 1 month before my EDD. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I had fully planned/hoped to be pg by now. I *thought* that by being pg before my EDD and before my other friends gave birth, it would make things easier. But sitting here right now, I'm not so sure how I feel.

I almost think it will be better if I can make it through the next few months without the crutch of being pg to help me through it. O and I have decided to take a break..indefinitely. I need to be healthy mentally as I can be when it happens, and right now I do not feel that way.

On top of everything, my cycles are still not normal. I'm averaging 40 days in length and I'm still Ovulating pretty late in my cycle, even for me. So perhaps a small break will give my body the chance to finish healing.

It's hard to believe

Such a sweet innocent face is from the same child who went completely boneless in Chapters today, tossing herself on the floor screeching at a decibel level that, I'm sure at one point only dogs could hear, kicking her legs, balling her hands into fists and flailing are the same child. No indeed.

11 DPO

I tested this afternoon. A lovely BFN. sigh.

Fun at the playground.

Last summer, N's favourite thing at the park/playground was the slide. She'd spend hours if we'd stay that long going down the slide. This winter though, on the nice days we've taken her, it's the swing that she runs to first. We push her and push her and it seems like hours before she wants out to go play on the slides.

Yesterday, since it was 'reasonably' warm out we bundled her up in her snow gear and head over to the small play equipment that is about a 5 minute walk from our house.

I took tons of photos of her on the swing but I think this one captures how much fun/joy she gets from us pushing her on the swing. Plus most of the other ones she is not fully in the frame. hah

When we were walking back home I captured another photo of her that had both Owen and I later saying when we looked at it - "When did she grow so much and look so old?!?" I swear she looks so much older then a little over 2 yrs old in this photo! Her snow pants are a bit big as I have her in the 3T ones I bought for next year.

And one more just because I think she's so cute!