Tuesday (28th)

**may be graphic, but I need to get it out**

Tuesday evening my brown spotting turned to bright red at around 7.30pm (it's amazing how vivid certain times stand out for me). I got my doppler and was able to get another strong heartbeat of 155 bpm so I tried not to be worried. I *thought* it would stop. At 10pm I got off the sofa, took 3 steps and felt a gush. I thought it was all blood, which made me scream for Owen. Later I'd realize it was my waters that broke and it seemed like it was a gush of blood bc there was blood as well in my waters.

Owen came out of his office, shocked at first, then reached out and held me while I freaked out. He got me upstairs and I sat on the toilet until the waters stopped. Oddly enough, earlier in the evening I had commented to Owen that it felt like I was having Braxton Hicks but how that could not be possible this early.

After I had calmed down more, Owen told me he was taking me to the hospital. He woke up Tash, put her jacket on and got me out the door. We decided to go to PLC (FH is equally the same distance) ER. When we got there I was told they'd see me as soon as they could. About 15 mins later I went to pee and felt what I thought was my baby. I freaked out some more, raced to the ER window and they got me in ASAP.

I laid in a bed in a room for 30 mins before seeing the Dr. that came on at midnight. She was kind, soft spoken and honest. She examined me, told me it was the cord I had felt. =\ Things start to blur, but I remember her, the Nurse, and a few other nurses were awesome. A couple took Natasha off to explore the hospital while Dr. I checked me.

About an hour later I was moved to another place (still not a room, they were full) and was told sadly that I was losing our baby. It was 2am. Dr. I told me that I was dialated and she thought it would be 3-4hrs before I delivered. At this point I sent Owen and Natasha home and he promised to come back in the morning.

I shocked the gyne, Dr and nurses by saying I had zero pain. Each time (every HOUR on the HOUR) I had my blood pressure taken I was asked my pain level and each time I said 0-1, just mild cramps. I started to get worried because I thought "nothing" was happening, which scared me.

I slept off and on until 7.30am when I woke up and went to pee. I felt something. They paged the Dr. and as she came to examine me, thankfully Owen showed up. She told me she could see the baby and she was going to reach up and get the baby. Before she did, she asked if we wanted to see the baby (no) and then she delivered the baby. She was still amazed I felt no pain. She said even though the baby is so small I should have still felt full on painful labour. :0(

A social worker came in later and finally around 2pm they found me a bed. They'd put a request for surgery at 8am (D&C) and I spent the next 14hrs waiting for them to 'find time' for me. I was an E6, meaning up to 6hrs, so anything more urgent came in, I got bumped, and bumped again, and bumped again until 5.30am Wednesday morning.

I was put under so do not remember anything. I went in at 6am, was awake at 6.45am, pushed back to my room at 7pm and FINALLY able to eat. I had not ate since Tuesday at 6pm. You can't eat 8hrs before surgery so I got to fast for.ever.

They put me on anti-biotics so instead of being able to leave an hour after recovery, I had to wait until 2pm.

Now I'm home. I'm told this is where the healing begins.

First Group Session

I had my first session as part of the "All Our Babies" Research Study. I was a little anxious about doing it intially, mostly because I was worried it would be a repeat of what Owen and I did when we took the 10w course through the Calgary Health Region. What drew me to say yes was that I got in to see the Dr. before 20w and my wait time in a clinic was reduced to less then half. So instead of sitting for 2hrs in a clinic to wait to see a Dr. with Tash getting bored, I have 2hr session (where childcare is provided) that I sit through with 3 other pg women and see the dr. within 5mins.

I looked over the course material and while a lot of it is going to be repetitive, I'll deal. Everyone seems nice, and Dr. Panich (sp?) is really nice and has great bedside manner.

My doppler arrived this morning and since I'm still bleeding :-( I wanted to try it out. It took me 20 mins to find the heartbeat but when I did it was sooo nice to hear. It's still reading at 145-150 bpm which was what Tash's was when she was in utero.

I have another u/s tomorrow to check on things (Niki things I might have a low placenta that is causing the bleeding) and I'm going to ask if they can tell the gender, even though I know it's not clearly visible until 18w. My diagnostic u/s is on the 21st of november. I'll be close to 20w then so hopefully we'll know for sure then.

Still bleeding...

Last night I had a bit of a scare. I put Tash to bed and when I peed I was bleeding bright red. I can be calm about brown but when it turns bright red I get super concerned. I kept re-assuring myself as I laid in bed that I had heard a very strong heartbeat that morning and everything MUST be ok. I laid there for about an hour going over in my head what could cause it - all the lifting I do of Natasha (in and out of the crib, up and down stairs bc she won't come down them and is super slow going up), all the walking I did in Paris etc.

This morning it's brown again so I feel a bit better. I've decided that I better rest rest rest more and do a lot less carrying of Tash. To calm my nerves though, I ordered a Hi Bebe Doppler this morning. A friend has one, but I think it's in full rotation of use right now and I'd rather have my own for my entire pg and not worry about returning it after a few days or a week or what not.

It's just really for my own peace of mind. Since we are done with 2 kids, I'll sell it afterward. I should be able to find someone that would like it after I'm done with it. I wanted to buy it actually before I went to Paris, again for peace of mind while I was in another country but it was out of stock then.

Great First Appointment

I had my first apt this morning. I was a bit nervous about it, mostly bc I've never met a Doctor I liked. I have to say though that I love Dr. N! She was soo nice and thorough. I did not get asked half the questions last time that Dr. N asked this time. I mentioned to her about the brown spotting I've been having all week and she immediately said she'd book me for an u/s. Even though she said it was probably from the flight and the extra exertion of Paris (I walked for 6-7hrs a day!) and chasing a toddler around, she wanted to 'just make sure and re-assure me as well'. :0)

She did check for a heartbeat and found one after a few seconds. Nice and strong. :0) It was soo nice to hear the heartbeat. I'm still too early to feel any movement so after 2 weeks in Paris + the spotting it was so nice to hear the little guy.

Sucess!

Natasha let me put on her Bee Costume this morning without a fuss! Even the head piece. I'm completely shocked! heh Considering what a fuss she made on Monday, to happily wear it now is a big surprise. I guess she just needed to get use to it. I'm really happy she likes it now, even though I'm not a halloween fan, I love dressing her up each year.

The pose she did with the pumpkin is total luck! It's probably going to be the best capture I get of her in her costume. heh Couple more that I captured:

If Only I could adjust as well..

We returned home from Paris on Sunday. On Monday morning she woke up at 5am. She took her regular nap at 1pm (a very good coincidence that it was 8pm in Paris, her bedtime) , but I had to wake her up at 4pm. Then I put her back to bed at 9pm when I went to bed. She woke up at around 6 on Tuesday, napped regularly and woke on her own at around 4pm, back to bed at 8.

As of this moment she's still sleeping so I think her little body clock has adjusted quite easily back to MST. Me? I've been awake since 5am. =\ I think it's going to take me another day or two.

Mmm Yum Cheetos

For the last 3 weeks I can not get enough cheetos crunchy cheeses. I found some while we were in Paris but they just did not taste the same as the ones here. Today I got groceries and had to grab a big bag. With Natasha it was Dill Pickle Chips for the longest time.

Not much new happening, I lost about 5lbs while in Paris from all the walking I did while there. Probably a good thing because for the first trimester all I did was eat and sleep so I gained like 8lbs.

I have my first Dr.'s Apt on Thursday. This will be the last one I have with the Low Risk Clinic. When I was only around 8w pg I received a call asking if I'd be willing to participate in a study called "All Our Babies". One of the purposes of the Study is to help relieve the stress/burden on the Low Risk Clinics in the city. The more main purpose of the study is to help the Health Regions in Alberta to better plan and develop services that will best meet the needs of pregnant women.

I will complete 3 surveys, two during my pregnancy and then a 3rd one 4 months after the baby is born. Each session will involve one on one time with a Maternity Care Clinic and I'll also receive prenatal and childbirth classes.

It sounds a lot like the prenatal classes Owen and I took with Tash so I'm really hoping it won't be repetitive.

If only Bribery Worked.

Last Halloween Natasha LOVED her costume, this year I had doubts she'd let me put her in one. More of a mom 'hunch' then anything really. She's just been a lot pickier about what she'll let me dress her in, so I figured a costume was going to be a battle.

This year I ordered from Babystyle.com again and bought the bumble bee costume, which arrived while we were in Paris. Last night I decided I 'test' the waters and see how she felt about it. As expected, as soon as she saw me with the body of the costume she started to cry. :0( Being the mean mother I am, I still put it on her. :p

To make her stop crying I started to chase her around the kitchen Island going "Buzzz buzzz" which made her laugh and giggle and forget about the costume. After about 10 mins I put the head piece on and continued chasing her.

Anywho, after about 20 mins she seemed ok with the costume. I do not doubt for a minute though that she'll not want to be in it again come Sunday.


The picture is a bit crappy bc my ISO setting was messed up (not sure how it got set to "HIGH") but there she is. Oh and clenched in her little fists are animal crackers, again, more bribery. :p On Sunday she'll be wearing a black top.

Baby Baby Baby!

Tash is not really 'talking' yet and her single word sentences have slowed down but one word she never tires of is "Baby". Before she was even born I received a book called "123 Baby". It's board book that has tigers, penguins, fruit, babies, kittens and other things. It starts out with 1 and goes through up to 10. From when she was very wee she loved the book, would smile and later giggle at the tiger and the babies. I'm not sure what it was about the Tiger or babies but she loved those pages the best.

In the past month she brings you the book, turns to the babies and starts pointing to them..

baby?
Yes, that's a baby

Then she points to another baby on the page (I think there are 8 on the page) and says "Baby" again and I reply again. She will keep pointing for 15 mins or more before I can distract her to turn the page.

There is not much else new. She will take her 2nd plane ride in a few days. I'm not too worried about the trip to France, more worried about the flight home, as I'll be on my own with her as O will be staying for 5 days longer.

NT Scan

I had the NT scan done this afternoon. The Tech was ok, but a big rough around the edges. She was having trouble reading the fold (babe was not cooperating). The Dr. came in and was able to get it almost immediately. He was also super nice! It was great to see the Bebe on the screen and watch the heartbeat. I feel a lot better now leaving for France knowing everything is ok with the bebe. :0)