Silly Doppler, Almost there.

At 11w I humoured my doctor and let her check to see if she could find the heartbeat, fully expecting her not to find it. Surprisingly she did. I did not try at home because I knew there was no way I would find it. At my apt last week she found it again with very little searching.

Today I turned 13w and decided last night to see if I could find it. Knowing that last time at 15w it took me a bit of time to find it. No such luck. A couple of times I got close with the Doppler reading 135, but then babe would move or something and I'd lose it before I got a really good listen. I know everything is ok, and the doctor knows where everything is, hence why she can find it. I put the doppler where she did and moved it very slowly (this is how I found the heartbeat last time, I'd just put it on my belly where the doctor did) but no luck.

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I'm about a week away from when I started spotting last time. I'm a bit nervous, but next week I have a doctor's appointment and she will be checking my cervix and see how things are going. She'll give me a requisition for my 19w u/s and also have them check my cervix. Hopefully at the u/s my cervix will be nice and long and they will be able to see it on just the regular u/s, not have to do a transvaginal.

I found the blog by M.E (Mary Ellen) a few weeks ago - Not According to Plan. Not only does she have balanced translocation, she went through 3 failed IVF/PGD cycles, a failed IVF cycle, and 3 failed dIUI cycles, only to get pg with triplets and go into pre-term labour, have a cerclage put in, get a bad infection bc of it, have it taken out, water broken and lose her precious baby girls. :0( She and Steve took a break, got pg again and she made it to viability - 24w w/o any trouble. Then at 26w things started happening again and she was given some meds, put on bedrest (only 1 shower a day and potty breaks allowed) and has now made it to 28w2d.

She gives me hope. I know her situation is different then mine, but her cervix did weaken, and is weakening again, but their little girl is staying put, even though she's having contractions (they are not productive ones). She's made it to 28w, which I remember reading gives her baby girl an 85% chance of survival at this time. All that just to say that if she can do it, so can I.

Doctor Ekwalanga and I have talked about things and our goal is 29w. The lungs are still not fully developed, but the chance of survival with few complications is so much greater then 24w that we both feel it's a good goal to get to. I just really want this baby to stay put, I don't think my emotions could handle going through what I did last time again. Owen and I have talked about the "what ifs" a little bit and decided if we lose another baby, this will be it.